Post #2: And then there were three....

The following is an account of an interpersonal conflict between two people. If you plumb into the seemingly murky depths of each person's feelings and points of view, what would you suggest they each do to resolve this conflict?

********

Aileen sat on the porch and tried to think back to the days it used to be just her and her father. Those were the days. It had always been that way ever since she was 7 when her parents got divorced. Ten years later she could barely remember life being any different. Her father showered her with attention and she was Daddy’s Little Girl, the centre of his world.

The sky was losing its light and it served as a stark reminder of how much things had changed in such little time. It all began when her father announced his intentions to marry the woman he’d been dating for a year. She couldn’t believe her perfect world of Two had now become Three. Did this strange woman really think she could replace her mother? Ever since she had moved in, to say that they’d both been at loggerheads with each other would be an understatement. Aileen refused to acknowledge Jane’s presence as an authority figure. This woman had just traipsed into her life and started telling her what to do. Their latest tirade was about Jane disapproving the way she dressed – apparently she needed to be more conservative about her image. Well, she’d always dressed this way and her father never had a problem. As a result of all this conflict, her relationship with her Dad had become strained, and she hated it. She tried to accept Jane into her life but felt like she was trying to make way too many changes, way too fast. She knew that an aggressive confrontation with her would only upset her father. What should she do to tell her to back off?

-----------------

Jane stared out the window at her stepdaughter. It hurt to be rejected by the daughter of the man she loved. She always knew it wouldn’t be easy, but she felt like Aileen never even wanted to give her a chance to feel like part of the family. She had tried to be as forthcoming as possible, but Aileen was just so different from her. Jane was a neat-freak; Aileen thrived in messy surroundings. Jane expected Aileen to help with the dishes, Aileen hated to help around the house. Jane was conservative; Aileen insisted she was a creative liberal. Also, sometimes she felt like Aileen was spoilt, and had gotten away with a lot growing up. She didn’t understand why Aileen radiated such hostility towards her; she was only trying to make sure Aileen grew up right. All these constant battles only stressed out her husband. How could she make peace with her stepdaughter when she didn't even seem to respect her?

R's take on Effective Communication

Why is communication so important in life?

Human beings are by nature social animals. I read somewhere of a tenet in contemperory psychology that holds that having a good social network can boost an individual's mental health. What this means is that our actions and words will always affect the people around us. Therefore, for an entire community to thrive, developing healthy relationships is of vital importance. Effective communication is necessary in making new friends and building strong bonds between people. For example, I signed up as a councelor for my hall's Freshmen Orientation Camp last year. It is so important that we really inculcate a sense of belonging into the freshmen, and expose them to the kind of culture that was unique to our hall. For that to happen, we need to interact with them to build bonds that lead to lasting friendships. Effective communication is needed between seniors and freshmen to maintain healthy relationships to make sure there are no "generation gaps". This, in effect really does keep the social fabric of our hall community together.


The importance of effective communication is not only seen in forging friendships, but also in havnig a successful career. It starts from your very first resume. I'm looking forward to learning how to write effective resumes & application letters in this module because it may be the most important piece of document I'll ever have to write. Job interviews will also call for effective communication skills on your part - to be able to convey crystally clear the message that YOUR talent is just what their company is looking for. I joined the Eusoff Hall Flag Committee last summer, and we had to talk to managers of companies for sponsorship, and meet face-to-face to discuss more on the mutual benefits to be gained by procuring sponsorships from these companies. We had to convince shrewd marketing managers that we could provide them excellent publicity. The best part is you learn to become a little thick-headed, and you have the courage to ask for more sponsorship without sounding impertinent! Perhaps in the future I won't still be asking for sponsorships, but these communication skills will be important if I ever have to face my future boss and ask for a raise. Or to atleast politely explain why I feel deserving of a promotion!


Another important skill is oral communication. I'm not the best orator in the world, and I carefully avoided modules where I had to make presentations. Recent introspection though made me realize how woefully inexperienced I would be at public speaking if I kept up this attitude. It would make me prepared for the work world as much as a man without his mountaineering gear was at scaling Mount Kilimanjaro. I knew I needed to stop letting my insecurities keep me from being the best I could be. I want to be able to walk into a room full of strangers and deliver a powerful presentation/speech, articulately, and confidently, without having a panic attack.


And so for all these reasons effective communication is so important to me - for my career, for better relationships with my family and friends - I took a baby step. I joined ES2007S, hoping to hone out the finest communicator buried within all of us.

I'd like to sign off by leaving you with a poem included in the book "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe. I believe it captures the very essence of a communcation breakdown, of the very real danger of chaos if there was no effective communication between people -

Turning and turning in the widening gyre,
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.